« September 2004 | Main | May 2005 »
April 14, 2005
Oh, Sweet Jesus, say it isn't so
Not to get overtly nostalgic for the U-Mich, but this is heartbreaking. An ATO rescued me from a deadly Mexican foam party. An ATO let me paint his toenails. An ATO offered me opium in exchange for Percocet.
Many a fond, vomitous memory will die behind those closed doors. And now I've said waaay too much.
posted by jessica at 10:57 AM | Comments (0)
April 11, 2005
Best Reader Email. Ever.
I love it when dry sarcasm (and perhaps crappy jokes) fly over readers' heads. The result is like Christmas in my inbox!
Here's a tip: if you're going to be so indiscriminatingly cunty, you should be smart. So choose: be a cunt and be smart, or don't be such a cunt.
If you were a smart cunt, you'd know they've been rotating the columnists for about three decades. But you're not a smart cunt. You're a dumb cunt, so you don't know that. But you should know how fucking stupid you look. But, then, one of the things about dumb cunts is that they don't know their dumb cunts. The other thing with cunts is that when they hit some inevitable bumbs in the road, people don't come to their defense, and, instead, take pleasure in it. You'll find out.
Oh, the perils of my bumby future.
posted by jessica at 01:10 PM | Comments (0)
April 10, 2005
Sometimes
...You fully intend to shower and leave the house that night. But then you get all fucked up watching Ya-Ya Sisterhood -- even though you know perfectly well that your ovaries are going to explode if you give this TNT presentation even half a minute of your time -- and suddenly, it's 12:45 am and you're empathetically bawling for poor Sandra Bullock.
Even your cat thinks you're an idiot.
posted by jessica at 12:46 AM | Comments (0)
April 08, 2005
News from the homeland
Ah, I do miss Michigan:
"The March 21 bake sale upset several students, including five who filed complaints with the university, alleging the group violated GVSU's anti-discrimination policy.
"During the sale, the students offered cupcakes for $2 for white men, 75 cents for blacks and white women, 50 cents for Asians and Hispanics, and 5 cents for American Indians."
Naturally, the bake sale was for the College Republicans.
posted by jessica at 09:18 AM | Comments (0)
April 07, 2005
But seriously...
Where can I find a legitimate rundown of the movies/pilots/commercials/videos that are shooting around town? Not only for professional stalking purposes, but I'd also like to avoid being yelled at by over-caffeinated PAs when I dare walk down my own freaking street. Naturally, I want to know who, exactly, I'm going to be yelling back at. Please advise. I know this list exists, I can feel it in my bones.
posted by jessica at 11:41 AM | Comments (0)
April 06, 2005
For David Israel
As I slowly reintroduce myself into society, I keep having the same conversation: When I meet someone new, 2 out of 3 times this new someone will mention that I don't update my personal site. "Well, I blog all day," I respond, "and the last thing I want to do when I'm done with work is go blog some more 'for fun.'" The hobby is now a job, so I've found some new hobbies. Like punching small children or something.
Strangely, none too many find this response satisfactory. My personal tipping point was last night, when a fellow by the name of David Israel earnestly argued, "But if you haven't posted in months, how do we know if you're alright, or still around?"
Well then. You can't argue with the concerns of a guitar-strumming Jew.
posted by jessica at 10:40 PM | Comments (0)
