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November 29, 2007

Political punditry

I came home late-ish last night to catch ten minutes of a rerun of the Republican debates; as I had a few drinks in me, I felt compelled to document my immediate thoughts as I was watching. This morning, I opened my laptop to find the notes that I'd written:

i can see my reflection in mitt romney's hair

you'd think, yknow, for the FUCKING DEBATES, that youtube and cnn could get their shit together enough to make sure the videos' sound is in sync with the picture

In the sober light of day, I still stand by these insights.

posted by jessica at 01:57 PM | Comments (0)

November 20, 2007

Just when I thought I didn't have any more innocence to lose

Yesterday, the post-4pm workplace conversation revolved around the infamously disgusting "2 Girls, 1 Cup" video that's making the viral rounds--specifically, co-worker Chris and I watched not 2 seconds of it before we both leaped away from the computer, screaming and yelping like we'd been cast in a teen horror flick. Of course, our howling caused everyone in the vicinity to wander over to our corner to see what we were freaking out about, which led to more gasping and shrieking.

I know that every internet generation should have--nay, deserves--its own goatse, but goatse never made me jump out of my chair and hide from the monitor, nor did I ever gag and run to the bathroom. But all of the above happened yesterday.

The last time I was so shaken by a web video was when I watched--again, only for 2 seconds before I shrieked and ran from the computer--2005's classic Dude Dies While Having Sex With a Horse. As I said to Noelle yesterday, after you watch stuff like this, you'll never forget flashes of the imagery. It's like watching a beheading video (and no, I don't normally watch beheading videos, but I was exposed to one during college). Once you see even a second of it, you freak out and run away. But you can never go back. And now my personal collection of haunting mental pictures includes hardcore scat. You'd think I'd feel complete, but not so much.

posted by jessica at 05:37 PM | Comments (0)

November 15, 2007

Reminds me why I hardly go out anymore

Christopher Hitchens's Waxed Sack: Open for Visitors

posted by jessica at 11:05 AM | Comments (0)

November 14, 2007

Akin to the moment when they stop asking for your ID at the bar.

Had a disturbing incident this morning. As is the case with much of my rambling, it involves the Today Show, presumably because I'm simple-minded enough to find insipid morning programming to be utterly thought-provoking!

I was running around my apartment, back and forth between the bedroom, bathroom, and my computer in the living room, which is my usual routine (and a total timesuck, because I keep stopping in various states of undress to get back to work on the computer, and suddenly it's taken me 45 minutes to put on pants and a bra). As usual, the Today Show was on, but I wasn't even listening or paying much attention, seeing as I was running really late. When I was finally on my way out the door, I turned to the television to turn it off--and I completely and totally froze, captivated. It was Celine Dion singing Heart's "Alone," and IT WAS AWESOME. Like, whoa-chills-head-bounce-rockin' good, at least until the holy-shit-what-the-hell-am-I-doing moment set in.

So that's it. It's over. Doesn't matter what my actual age is; clearly youth has left the building. I genuinely enjoyed Celine Dion today, and I have never in my life felt so old or barren.

posted by jessica at 02:56 PM | Comments (0)

November 08, 2007

Memo to the Genius Bar

posted by jessica at 06:40 PM | Comments (0)

November 06, 2007

Short notice

But I'm heading to Cambridge to speak at some law school there tonight. Not half as formal as it sounds (I hope, anyhow). I'll be talking about the usual media stuff, plus granola bars, RapeFace, and vaclenching, in that order.

Looky there, I just used my site for a professional update. I feel so...LinkedIn. Or Plaxo-ish.

posted by jessica at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)

November 05, 2007

These are the lame-ass days of my life.

Question: Is it even possible to eat a Nature's Valley granola bar without making a complete mess? As it's not the chewy type of bar (I'll take what the vending machine will give me), the damn things are incredibly crunchy and dry, so much so that to even try to consume one without a full bottle of water at hand would be dicey. But no matter how carefully I try to break off a piece (forget trying to bite into them--guaranteed chaos to ensue), a thousand little granola crumbs go flying all over my desk, making it look like a three-year-old happened to have his afternoon snack at my keyboard. And so with every bite, I've been resigned to immediately wiping off my workspace while I go about chewing. Incredibly irritating.

But today I gave up. I pulled my little garbage receptacle close to me and my chair, so that I was essentially straddling the stupid thing. I ate my gross granola* in peace, perched over the wastebasket. Kind of like vomiting, but in reverse.

*You might ask why the hell I even eat these things. I'll defer to my extreme hunger and lack of time to seek out a better option beyond the office walls.

posted by jessica at 04:54 PM | Comments (0)